April 2nd, 2008

so sorry

moving in on the first date

Once upon a time when time was shivering apart and memories seemed more real than reality, the girl who fell from the sky and the west coast hacker king came to an agreement.

Today was gloriously stressful, much more than I bargained for. April 1st is my one-year nonniversary with Antony, which struck me in the heart like the world wanted me to understand the word "smite" in a pure, holy way. Every living cell in my body misses him, they take turns reminding me. Today, however, they ganged up and jumped me. All today, as the last of the SecWest cool kids came down from Whistler and connected with the airport and chores, I could rewind a year back and see exactly where I was, minute by minute, 365 days ago. As I write this, we were smiling. He was saving me from darkness, I was inviting him back to my place. It was a Saturday, then, and we had gone to dinner and dancing, as if we had drawn a straight line on a map from meeting to what would be. Any minute now, we'll have kissed.

I called him tonight after I got home, half an hour after midnight, and left a message. I told him I miss him, that I love him, that of everyone in the world, it's his blessed voice I would like to hear the most.



Editor's Note: To wit, my life took a left turn and fell apart and came back together and all those things that lives tend to do, but all in one day instead of stretched over a reasonable amount of time. I'm back from madcap Whistler, I met keen new people, Dragos came over, Nicole took me out, I called home, and now I'm alright. Watch the Brothers Quay video, it's splendid and makes me glad the world exists.
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